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Gastronomical Bean Story

Once upon a time there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans.  He loved them but they always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively effect on him.

Then one day he met a girl and fell in love.  When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "She is such a lovely and gentle girl that she would never go for such carrying on."  So he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.  Shortly thereafter they were married.

Several months later his car broke down on his way home from work.  Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk.  On his way home he passed a small café and the odor of freshly baked beans was overwhelming.  Since he still had several miles to go, he figured that he could work off any effect before he got home.  So he stopped at the café.

Before leaving, he had eaten three large orders of baked beans.  All the way home he putt-putted, and after arriving he felt reasonably safe that he had putt-putted his last.

When he walked in the door, he noticed his wife seemed agitated and excited to see him.  She exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for dinner tonight."  Then she blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the table.

He seated himself and just as she was ready to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang.  She made him vow that he would not touch the blindfold until she returned.  Then she went to answer the phone.

Seizing the opportunity, he shifted his weight to one leg and let go.  Not only was it loud, but as ripe as rotten eggs.  He took the napkin from his lap and fanned the air around him.  Things had just returned to normal when he felt another urge coming on, so he shifted his weight to the other leg and let go again.  This was a real prize winner.

While keeping his ear on the conversation in the hall, he went on like this for ten minutes until he knew the phony farewell indicated the end of his freedom.  He placed his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it smiling to himself.  He was the very picture of innocence when his wife returned apologizing for taking so long.  She asked if he had peeked and he of course assured her he had not.  At this time she removed his blindfold, and there was his surprise . . .

 

 

 

. . . twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his birthday party.